"Hello, fans, this is Harry Caray. Welcome to today's game between the Bethlehem Braves and the Jerusalem Giants
Kind of a sparse crowd here today, as a plague of locusts has made it tough to get out to the ballpark. You can hear the vendors, though. "'Hey manna! Get your manna! Who wants bread from heaven? It's hot, it's fresh, it just fell. Hot manna here!' Penance! Penance! Our Fathers, Hail Marys, can't get absolution without an act of contrition! Who wants a rosary here? 'Water! Water! Wa... uh oh. Wine! Who wants wine now?'"
Peter looks in to Jesus for the sign. Jesus gives him the sign. Holy cow, Peter denies it! He gives it to him again, he denies it again! Once more... that's three times, and Jesus is out to give Peter a sermon on the mound. Jesus, of course, the big hero in yesterday's game. Came up in the bottom of the ninth with the Braves down 3-0 and hit a bases empty grand slam. Fans, we haven't had a miracle like that since we had fishes and loaves night here. I had a chance to talk with the Savior after the game, and this is what he had to say: "Well, Harry, the ball was on the outside corner, I was just trying to make contact. First of all, I want to thank my Father for loading the bases - muchas gracias, senor - and thanks to the holy ghost for breaking up the double play." Back to live action!
Luh-zair-us up to the plate now. What's that? Oh, I'm sorry... Lazarus up to the plate now. Here's the pitch. Oh, no, he's hit! He's hurt! He's down! Holy cow, he's dead! But wait a minute! He gets back up! That's the sixth time this week. That kid can take one for the team
Abraham up to the plate, now; probably up here to sacrifice. Infield drawn in for the patriarch, and now there's some action in the Bethlehem bullpen. I can't quite make out the back of his robe... IT IS! The big number 10, Moses, just called up from the burning bush league. Already gaining a reputation for that lightning fast pickoff move, reminding those runners that thou shalt not steal
Let's give it over to Steve Stone. "Thank you, Harry. Fans, you want to be here this Tuesday night when the Braves meet the Calvary Cubs. It's gonna be Nabisco communion wafer day here at the ballpark. All fans 33 and under get a free Eucharist signed by the Savior. You know, fans, Nabsico communion wafers go down smooth, it won't stick to the roof of your mouth like those cheap imitation sacraments. Sure they cost a little more, but when it comes to your eternal salvation, isn't it worth that extra buck in the collection plate? Remember, fans, the next time you go to the rail for that body and blood, ask for the host with the most, ask for Nabisco."
Thanks, Steve. Here are some scores now from around the league. A big upset, David 1, Goliath nothing. Ends a long win streak for the big guy. Oh, no, Job is on the fifteen day disabled list with a bad case of leprosy. Pulled a hamstring. Pulled it right off! The Angels have sent Lucifer down. That's a shame; when that fellow was in his prime, he could throw some heat. This year, his earned run average has ballooned to a hefty 6.66"
No comments:
Post a Comment