Tales from the Infirmary

Five-time batting champion Wade Boggs missed a week when he lost his balance putting on his cowboy boots and fell into a couch. Fat Freddie Fitzsimmons fell asleep in a rocking chair while talking to Rogers Hornsby and Bill Terry. While rocking as he snoozed, the 217-game winner crunched his pitching fingers under the chair. His month-long injury may have cost the '27 Giants a pennant. And Lefty Gomez, while knocking dirt from his spikes, smashed his ankle instead and was carried off the field.

So Sammy Sosa shouldn't feel too bad. Fluke injuries are nothing to sneeze at, especially in baseball, where the ridiculously improbable injury seems the rule, not the exception. Nonetheless, when Sosa sneezed twice while bending over in the Cubs clubhouse Sunday, sending his back into spasms and putting him out of the lineup, he earned a spot on the all-time list.

Sosa now joins the great tradition of comic "disabled" Cubs outfielders, which is led by Jose Cardenal, who couldn't play on Opening Day in 1974 because he said he slept wrong and his eyelid was stuck shut. Two seasons earlier, Cardenal had told manager Whitey Lockman he couldn't play because crickets in his hotel room kept him up all night.

Cardinals pitcher Flint Rhem.

Rhem went AWOL at the height of the '30 pennant race. It wasn't his fault, he explained to Branch Rickey. Gamblers kidnapped him and forced him to drink bootleg whiskey for two days. Good pitching was in short supply, then as now, so manager Gabby Street said, "we can't disprove it," and put Rehm back in the rotation. Sixteen days after escaping the clutches of the demon-rum kidnappers, Rehm started Game 2 of the World Series.

Marty Cordova might have fibbed. Actually, maybe he should have. Instead, he couldn't play because he'd fallen asleep in a tanning bed and burned his face too badly. Henry Cotto didn't see a teammate coming before he put that Q-Tip in his ear. Oops! How was Bret Barberie supposed to know that you temporarily lose your vision if you accidentally rub chili sauce in your eyes?

Oh, here are some of the best I could find, I laughed so hard I think I pulled a muscle.

John Smoltz burned his chest while ironing a shirt that he was wearing.

Wade Boggs ( there he is again ) hurt his back when he lost his balance while trying to put on cowboy boots.

Odiebe McDowell cut his finger buttering a roll at the Texas Ranger's welcome home luncheon.

Ricky Bones hurt his lower back getting out of a chair while watching TV in the clubhouse.

Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.

George Brett hit his foot on a chair and broke his toe while running from the kitchen to the TV to see Bill Buckner hit.

Rick Honeycutt injured his wrist while flicking sunflower seeds in the dugout.

Chris Brown injured his eye by sleeping on his eye wrong.

Phil Niekro injured his hand shaking hands too hard. Reminder, do not shake hands with Phil.

Nolan Ryan was bitten by a coyote. I am not making this up.

Me, I want to see doctors notes for all these guys.

Me, I expect to see this , a rotator cuff injury, someone call Dr. Andrew for me.

What started this off was Ryan Dempster of the Cicago Cubs going on the disabled list because he broke a bone in his toe after leaping out of the dugout to celebrate a win against Milwaukee.

Have a good laugh, but be careful !!!